Crowley and Az go to Wal-Mart
by Rumblethumps
Summary: In an attempt to get them to spend more quality time together, Aziraphale invites Crowley to go grocery shopping with him. Shenanigans ensue. A/C, a bit of fluff at the end.


**A/N: This is based off of a dumb conversation with my friend. I might revise it later, maybe add more. I'm still brushing up on my writing skills…Reviews would be much appreciated! (Also I'm absolutely horrible at thinking of titles, oh jeez please forgive me)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Good Omens or its characters, nor do I own Wal-Mart or anything associated with it!**

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How Crowley had allowed Aziraphale to drag him into Wal-Mart, he hadn't the slightest idea.

He absolutely despised the place. It was absolutely impossible to find a parking space that was at a reasonable distance from the door, and so you would have to settle for one at least a mile away. All of the customers were like stupid, mindless cattle, being led to each product by brightly colored signs and loud, obnoxious salespeople. The quality of their products was absolutely terrible anyway, and most of the aisles were clogged with items carelessly knocked off of the shelves and left there. Every other man or woman that passed by had a baby that would inevitably be shrieking at the top of its little lungs. The checkout lines were always backed up so far that it would take at least ten years to get to the front and finally pay for your things, and then there was the excruciating walk back through the parking lot to get to your car-if you could remember where you parked.

Yes, Crowley hated the store and everything it stood for, and yet somehow here he was inside of it, alongside Aziraphale, shopping for who-knows-what.

It had taken a lot of persuasion on Aziraphale's part; that was for sure. He tried begging and pleading, which didn't work. He tried bribery, which almost worked, but not quite. It wasn't until he described how lonely and miserable he would be without Crowley there that the demon begrudgingly agreed to go with him. He didn't even know what they were shopping for.

"What are we even here for, angel?" he asked, glaring at a small child who passed by.

"Groceries, dear," the angel replied. "I'm just about out of everything in my pantry."

Crowley gave him a look. "Az, why on earth do you need groceries in the first place? You know you don't need to eat. And you can use your powers to get anything else you need."

"Yes, but that would be the easy way, wouldn't it?" Aziraphale replied, pulling a shopping cart out of the long train of them that was parked in the front of the store. "Besides, I see it as one of my angelic duties. By purchasing these products instead of just using my powers, I'm helping the store stay in business, which means the employees will continue to get paid. Not to mention, the companies that manufactured the products will stay in business as well."

"Alright, but…Why HERE?" Crowley vaguely gestured at the carnage behind him that called itself "Wal-Mart".

"They have low, affordable prices. Besides, I rather enjoy the atmosphere here. It makes me really get into the role of being a human."

Crowley rolled his eyes and followed as the angel walked into the store.

"Besides," Aziraphale continued. "I would've thought that you'd like it here. It seems like a concentrated version of all of the things that you advocate: Greed, despair, pain, and misery."

"Just because I advocate them doesn't mean I like being in the midst of them, you know."

They turned down an aisle, and Aziraphale found the first thing on his list: cocoa. "You don't have to stick around with me, you know," he said as he reached for a box of cocoa mix. "You can go elsewhere and explore a bit."

"And exactly what is there to explore in a WAL-MART?"

"Well, they have an extensive electronics section…You enjoy that sort of thing, right? Perhaps you could look in the automotive section and scope out some new tires for the Bentley? Or, I don't know, you could go and eat some free samples, they have those all over the place."

"Az, why did you invite me to come shopping with you, only to send me away to some other part of the store?"

"I invited you along for company, dear. Going grocery shopping with someone is more fun than going alone, even if you don't spend the entire time together. I'm just trying to make the experience less miserable for you."

"Aww, that's so sweet that I just might throw up," Crowley said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Well, I may as well go and scope out the electronics section, I suppose…"

After getting lost twice, Crowley finally found the electronics, tucked away in the back corner of the store. He looked around: Cell phones that were of lower quality than the one he owned, television sets that were of lower quality than the one that he owned, stereo systems that were of lower quality of the one that he owned, computers that were of lower quality than the one that he owned. Boring. It wasn't until he passed by the video games that his attention was grabbed.

The demon had never had much interest in video games. He saw them as mindless pastimes for children, and not worth his time. However, the brightly colored boxes and shiny plastic cases caught his eye. He also noticed that there were demo versions of the video games hooked up to television sets, free for anyone to play. He paused. "Meh. It's not like I have anything else to do anyway."

He walked up to one of the consoles and picked up a controller, without even knowing what game he was about to play.

Whatever game it was, it turned out to be player-vs-player. Soon enough, a boy of no older than ten came up and grabbed the second controller, joining the game. Crowley, not knowing what he was doing in the slightest, didn't stand a chance.

By the time Crowley gave up and left the game in a frustrated rage, the child had beaten him at the game no less than eight times. It took every ounce of self-control to keep himself from setting the boy on fire. He stormed off to find Aziraphale again. He found him in the book section, next to the magazines. Crowley approached him and gave him a long glance. "Az."

"Yes, dear?"

"Books are not groceries."

The angel blushed and smiled sheepishly. "Oh, I know, but I just couldn't help myself-"

"Look, angel, the sooner you finish your shopping, the sooner we can get out of this place."

"I know. Don't you worry, I'm almost done. Just give me a few more minutes… Here, actually, could you do me a favor? I need two pounds of ground beef. It would really help me out a lot if you could go to the deli section and pick some up for me."

"Hold on, first you drag me out here 'just for company', and now you want to use me to finish your shopping for you?"

"I'm not asking you to finish my shopping for me, dear. I'm just asking if you could pick up one thing. Besides, if you do, we can get out of here sooner."

Without another word, the demon went in search of the deli to pick up the two pounds of ground beef.

Once Crowley was finally able to fight his way through the store to get to the deli, it just so happened that they were out of ground beef, and he had to wait for fifteen minutes for them to grind more. He stood there, trying to keep his anger and impatience under control, until he finally got the beef and left to find Aziraphale once again.

This time, he found him in the tea aisle. "Here's your two pounds of beef, now are we done here yet?"

"Er, almost, I just need a couple more things…"

Crowley sighed. "I'll be in the magazine aisle, then."

Once he got to the magazine aisle, Crowley had picked up an automobile magazine and was trying his hardest to concentrate on it. However, concentration was an impossible task when in Wal-Mart. Especially when there was a woman nearby who was apparently very angry over the price of a jar of spaghetti sauce. She was expressing her opinion about it in a very loud and obnoxious manner to an unfortunate sales clerk. As much as the lowly clerk tried to explain that he was not the one in charge of the prices, the woman either wasn't listening or didn't care, and continued to yell at him.

Crowley's nerves were wearing thin, and his patience had all but run out. He just couldn't stop himself from doing something.

The woman and the sales clerk both gasped in shock as the jar exploded, splattering spaghetti sauce all over the both of them, as well as much of the surrounding aisle. A few seconds later, they were both screaming.

People rushed over to see what had happened. At first glance, many thought the spaghetti sauce was blood, and they either ran off screaming, or began to call an ambulance. Everyone who realized it was spaghetti sauce asked the woman what had happened.

"We were just standin' here talkin', when the jar just exploded on its own…..Why, this store must be HAUNTED!"

That sent the remainder of the crowd into a blind panic. Everyone began screaming about ghosts and haunted spaghetti sauce. In the distance, Crowley could hear the sirens of approaching ambulances and police cars. He decided that it was a great time for he and Aziraphale to leave the scene.

He reunited with the angel as he happened to be picking up the last thing on his grocery list. "Oh, Crowley, do you have any idea what all of that commotion is about?" he asked.

"No, but I do think that it would be best if we left as soon as possible," Crowley said as he began to gently pull Aziraphale toward the exit.

Aziraphale caught on immediately. "Crowley, what did you do?" he asked, giving him an accusatory glare.

"Absolutely nothing, I assure you. Now come on, quickly."

"Crowley, I've got to pay for all of this-"

"All of the cashiers are busy right now, just come on-"

"I am not going to leave this store with unpaid items!"

"Alright, fine, go to the self-checkout. Just hurry."

Soon enough, Aziraphale had paid for his groceries, and the two made a hasty escape in the Bentley. On the road, Aziraphale glared angrily at Crowley until he explained what had happened.

"I honestly didn't expect the woman to jump to conclusions like that," he said. "I only meant for her to shut up, and she starts getting everyone in a panic over ghosts. Humans are so strange, aren't they?"

The angel sighed. He knew that a simple, peaceful shopping trip with Crowley was just too much to ask.

They pulled up to the book shop, and sat in the car for a second or two.

"….I'm sorry," Crowley said, breaking the silence.

Aziraphale was taken aback. He had never heard Crowley outright apologize for anything before. "For what?"

"You invited me to go grocery shopping with you so we could spend time together, but I ruined it. So I apologize."

The angel felt a gentle smile spreading across his face. "Oh, Crowley, dear," he said, reaching over and taking Crowley's hand. "You don't have to apologize. To be quite honest, I didn't think you would last even that long without causing some sort of commotion."

"Oh, trust me, neither did I," Crowley said with a chuckle.

"I know how much you despise grocery stores, so I really do appreciate you coming with me. It means a lot to me." Aziraphale leaned over and planted a kiss onto Crowley's lips. "I love you," he whispered before pulling away.

Crowley stared at the angel in surprise. "Well, that's new. Do I get one of those every time I go shopping with you?"

Aziraphale giggled, his face blushing pink. "Maybe. Now come on, I need help taking all of these bags inside."

As Crowley assisted Aziraphale in bringing the groceries in, he thought to himself. He expected the trip to begin in misery and end in even more misery. But really, it began in mild discomfort and ended with a kiss.

Maybe Wal-Mart wasn't so awful after all.


End file.
